I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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