my sisters under your porch take her home
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
