Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
