I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
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Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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