i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
