On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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