just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
