Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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