Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
