he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
