Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
