i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
This can only be settled by a dance off.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
