Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
