Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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