Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
