Define "chronic" masturbator.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
