I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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