Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
