Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
