yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
