her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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