Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
