I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
