Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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