can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
