We're facebook friends in real life
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
