so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
