This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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