Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
