It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
