I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
