Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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