you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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