I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
