I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The power of my boobs compel you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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