Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
