i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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