They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
