is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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