gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
