BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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