Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
