omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
