I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
