If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
