we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
