Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
