There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I believe in your delicious
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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