idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I love you. Go after that dick
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
