I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
