Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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