we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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