and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
