Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
