i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
