Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
